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How to Deal With Unwanted Advice During Unemployment

Updated : August 4th, 2020

The art of handling unsolicited and unwanted advice is one that every individual should practice and learn. This skill is even more important when you are unemployed. From relatives to friends, professionals to even future employers, the individuals around you will always have an opinion on what you should be doing next – and going on the defense or offense is never the answer. This point in your life is when networking and relationship building is most important, so tactfully handling advice from every Tom, Dick, and Harry can reduce your stress levels and allow the other person to feel wanted without you having to really follow through.

Dealing With Unwanted Advice During Unemployment

When sincere intentions are countered with hostility, or even instructions and control are met with outright rude refusal, sentiments can be hurt and bonds forged over years and decades can be broken for no fault of either party. It’s all about the art of balancing, knowing how to set boundaries so as to not invite more advice, but yet not offend the other; aggression and offensive remarks are pretty much off the table.  

Intention – Positive or Counter-productive?

You will have to come up with a mechanism to differentiate between advice that is well-intended and just plain instructional or controlling. Is the information helpful, appropriate or at least coming from a positive place? Often our guard is up to such an extent that we shut out even advice that may really make a difference, or that comes from a loved one who would be hurt if we responded with anger.

At the end of the day, advice backed by fact is most beneficial when it comes to professional growth. When in doubt about information that is being thrown your way, looking for official facts regarding laws, resources, and training from websites of authority can help you filter the useful from everything else.

Relationship Dynamics

There are times when being too accepting of advice can be just as harmful as being close-minded and guarded.

Relationship dynamics, especially those that are official and professional, are set based on status and power to a great extent. There are times when you may seem at a lower position just by being too accepting of advice, or even looked at as someone who can’t hold their own.

Of course, on the flipside, there are situations wherein a simple acknowledgment of the others opinions and advice can strengthen the relationship and give the other confidence in your trust and loyalty.

Acknowledgment

Keeping a dynamic in place, or knowing when a particular rapport or network source is important for future endeavors. A functional relationship can be reason enough for you to politely acknowledge advice that comes your way, thank them for their opinion and tell them you will keep it in mind.

Of course, it isn’t always this easy, and accepting the advice most often leads to follow-up conversations and more thoughts and judgments. Use simple tactics to change the topic and curtail the conversation, pivoting away from the unsolicited opinions without hurting sentiments or sounding egoistic.  

Limits and boundaries

With relationships which are less official and advice that comes without any base or real assistance, set boundaries and let the other know that you aren’t available for such conversation. Use simple statements like “I will manage on my own and get back to you in case I need” or “I have a different way of working around these issues”. These can gently affirm that you are not the kind of the person who is up for such discussions.

If it continues, firmly tell them that you are not up for advice and opinions at this time. Remember that in situations that are harassing and causing you stress, it is fine to be firm and take some distance. In fact, in the long run, it may even be better for your rapport than constant bombardment and negative interaction.

Your approach

If your closest friend or confidant is the one that is the source of unwanted advice, then it’s a good idea to discuss your problems with someone else for a given period of time. Constantly discussing your issues with the same individual and getting into a dynamic where monologues and opinions are overbearing can destroy the bond for life.

Friends often hope to help or reaffirm the friendship itself and their own importance. Be aware that the person you approach for comfort at best is working towards genuine problem solving and in the worst case scenario is feeling inconsequential and is hoping to make up for it.

5 Responses and how they function

Having understood the bigger picture, here are five responses that you can choose to use depending on the situation you are caught in.

  1. “Thank you, I will get to it and keep you posted”Now, this is in the best-case scenario, where the person on the other side is genuinely being helpful. It can also work wonders when you are getting advice from an individual with whom a professional relationship will be beneficial in the future – especially if it’s advice you are receiving in a job interview itself.
  1. “I will look into it”/ “I will keep it in mind”On the plus side, it can handle the situation at that moment, and you can quickly steer the conversation in other directions. Cons: There is a possibility that the individual will get back to you in a few days to follow up, leading to more dialog.
  1. “Thank you, that’s a good plan, I will look into if it will work for me”

    This cuts out the certainty, accepting the other’s view but letting them know that situations, problems and appropriate solutions may vary from person to person.
  1. “Interesting, but I have other ways of handling it at the moment”/ “I am not available for advice right now”As a statement, this one will help you tackle a situation where an overbearing individual is waiting for you to act on his or her advice immediately. It is fine to let the person know in certain situations that you are not up for such conversations, and hope that you were polite enough to have not offended them.
  1. “I’m sorry, I see your point, but I do not believe in that approach”Worst case scenario, there are times when someone may nudge you in the direction of doing something that may not be in line with your value system and principles or maybe altogether immoral – even a simple act of pulling strings to get a job for example. Making it clear that you aren’t ready to sway only makes you look stronger, so don’t hesitate to make that clear.

Reaching out

Knowing that there are others who face the same problems as you are, and may be able to help in ways other than just giving one-sided advice, can possibly make a big difference in your way of approaching people. FileUnemployment.org brings you a community section, where people from across states can reach out to each other and discuss issues that they are attempting to tackle. In fact, sometimes all it takes is a conversation with an absolute stranger to gain some clarity, instead of constantly being faced with advice from a loved one.

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  1. I was approved for extended benefits after exhausting PUA and the 26 weeks UI in Ohio. I have been looking for work, but also have had major health challenges and am finding getting back to “normal” slow going. I have a EB approval letter, and am currently receiving payments. When I look at the EB payment stub it shows my payment amount, and then the remaining approved amount (diminished by the weekly payment). So… do I get to exhaust the balance stated (which would take the weekly payments into 2021), or do my extended benefit payments expire on Dec 26 with the Federal program?

  2. I’m considering moving from MA to another state to pursue available work. I CAN NOT get hold of a human or find any info online about the ramifications of transferring my residence. Is there any information available that I’m missing or anyone having gone through the process of moving while collecting unemployment?

  3. I accidentally filed my UI unemployment amount wrong. I wrote that I made 25k last year when it was more like 12k with the pandemic problems. The issue was that I included my student loans in my income amount. Now I’m concerned about it being audited and how to fix this. I know I will have to pay back an amount but this is a lot of stress. I cannot get ahold of anyone in a timely manner and so I am wondering if anyone has an idea as to how to fix this appropriately?

    1. Ashley,

      I suggest you check the “Resources” section of the official website of the Unemployment Office or consider the option of visiting an office in the vicinity if feasible.

  4. my benefit in missouri ru has exhausted they send me a letter about my peuc until dec 26 2020 how long it take to receive peuc

    1. Debra,

      The processing will certainly take a couple of weeks of time owing to the pendency. Please keep checking/following up at regular intervals.

  5. So I have been getting ue for 6 months and on Oct 21 I had a fact finding issue found and cleared after taking a month, I got put on hold I got nothing no benefits nothing because I am on hold until cleared up and it was another month later in my favor, I’ve been without payment since Oct 21 since then I have been on HOLD, I am beyond pissed, I call every Fri I see the letter I received saying its in my favor that says I am Monetary Eligible-yet I still have 6 payments on hold. I call DEO and I talk, I beg and I get told “we are working on it”, the letter is in my favor I am poor not rich I am poor Why how do you people get away with this

    1. I’m having similar issue.. I was accepted and was receiving payments for three months.. then it was stopped 5 weeks ago to check a possibility of fraud.. there was a determination to confirm my identity again.. this after the same office gives me insurance and food help and was taking partial of money to pay two different child support claims.. they don’t think I’m who I say I am.. and it just sits there pending.. what can be done to get this fixed.

  6. Hello

    I’m 59 years old and was laid off in March 2020 due to Covid.
    In June 2020 I was advised my job was eliminated and there is no chance of me
    Being brought back. I’m collecting UI since March.

    Pondering the thought of taking my early retirement pension as I can’t survive on
    UI any longer. My pension is of course reduced due to my age. Full pension is age 62.

    If I apply for early reduced pension in this situation, does my UI benefit get decreased? I’m in New York.
    I’m still looking for full time work. No luck.

    Thank you so much
    Lorraine

  7. i was just layed off from my job, i did collect benefits in pa. my job is seasonal igot unemployment payments in jan. to april i had 26 weeks of unemployment , but only used about 13 weeks, and was called back to work. i received 2 weeks of 600 dollars of stimlus money. my question is now that i reopened my 2020 claim . i,m i still elegibe for any more stimlus payments along with my regular unemployment payments.

  8. I am 65 yrs old in California and being layed off in Dec 2020. If I apply for unemployment benefits and collect a company pension, will the pension reduce the unemployment benefits ? If you answer call unemployment what is the department or do you have a phone number for a help line. I have called and get automated questions that do not apply to my situation.
    Cannot get to a live person.

  9. Several years ago I was part of a reduction in force and was early-retired for pension purposes. I count on this small pension ($2K/mo) to supplement my employment which has been inconsistent this past two years. I am filing for UI in IL and I qualify for it, but they are saying my pension reduces my UI benefit to zero. Is that right?

    1. Mike,

      That is partially right. The pension will have an impact on UI benefits. Please check for relevant info on the Unemployment Office’s website.

  10. I have $219.00 left on my UE and still no work due to covid-19 will i be able to get a extension on my UE and will it cover the last two weeks. I request payment tomorrow.

      1. My benefits have expired, still.unemployed due to over 65, wdiebrtes, high blood pressure and have one kidney, Can I get PUA , Cares Act for any assistance

  11. im working at a place i have been layed off from a lot in my career.i got 30 yrs in there so i can retire now but need another job to make it hoping to stay working and get more hours.If i take a new job and get layed off there I will BE DRAWING 1400 A MONTH FROM THE JOB I WORKED 30 YRS would i be able to draw unemployment if the new job lays me off and would it be reduced because of my retirement money of 1400 month.

  12. My bf was laid off in April he got the the 600 to start with now he is only getting the unemployment and no extra when we hear ppl getting 3 checks totaling 40k that might be lies but still that is bullshit.

  13. I Sharon Bland or Sharon Scott or Sharon Ann Mccraw
    Use my phone to claim two of my boyfriends and my own benefits. Is that ok ?

  14. I’m getting pua on employment and it was supposed to be backdated to May 27th when I wasn’t ableable to start my new job and somehow it’s August 24th they said it would be backdated been sending messages and pua people keep saying they have emailed you guys too but nobody gets back to me who do I need to contact about this thank you

  15. I check my checking account balance every week but I cannot tell if I am getting my 300.00 extra unemployment. Also. How can I tell if I got my back time unemployment .

    1. Thelma,

      I did not understand what you meant. Please reach out to the Unemployment Office for precise answers to all your questions.

  16. I have exhausted my UI and all extensions. Not eligible for Fed Ed. Does EDD open a PUA claim for me. Or do I have to aoole for it. Its been past 30 days since receiving my Fed Ed denial letter.

  17. i have been unemployed for the whole year almost and since i have been trying to distance myself to better my all around health, it took me this long to file for benefits, i was hoping to get back pay all the way to the beginning.

    1. Zach,

      To qualify, the claimant is required to have sufficient earnings/employment during the “Base Period”. Please use the “Benefits Calculator” available on this website for more.

  18. Thank you o much for investigating this. When I received an overpayment statement and my benefits where stopped I felt my heart drop to my stomach. Already being evicted by a slumlord and now no income, i had to start working when i feel very at risk for getting the virus because of pre-existing conditions and the reason for filing in the first place. i am a cosmetologist and considered non-essential. I feel utterley hopeless and helpless in this situation.

  19. I cannot contact anyone in the unemployment offices because the phone hangs up on me in all cases after listening over and over the recorded message. I have called three numbers .

    I have received pandemic unemployment since March 31st. There was a pending adjudication but I never received any questions, letters nor emails about it and I was approved and paid. Now…this is what the website says:
    7 of 7 entries
    Issue Identification Number Employer Name Issue Type Status Date Mailed Level
    0002 7693 59-01
    PUA Pending 11/16/2020 Adjudication
    0002 4773 71-01
    Program Integrity Mailed 11/6/2020 Adjudicati
    Claimant Inbox
    Select the Search button to display your action items. To narrow your search, input issue date range below and select the Search button.
    Issue Date: From: To: 11/6/2020 to 11/16/2020
    Inbox
    • Below are the items that require your attention and that you need to take action on for your claim.
    • Select the Document ID
    I need this money to survive as others do while I am trying to re-establish any contract freelance work I am capable of doing….I report my small jobs as I get them but they do not come close to equaling my unemployment as of yet. Please tell me where I can go to find out what is needed here.

    1. Again basically I’ve also been put on hold for a ridiculously stupid reason.. Why can’t this issue be quickly handled. Is the any where we can get action if we already were receiving benefits and have been stopped suddenly

      1. Greg,

        I can understand your frustration. The Unemployment Office might be inundated with pending requests. Please visit the website to find the answers.

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